This past Sunday was newspaper photo shoot day, which meant I had to get pretty in the middle of the day on Sunday. I was not happy. I am accustomed to, sleeping in, then lounging on my couch and playing Tetris for like three hours while I watch 'Say Yes to the Dress' with my mother. None of these things occurred, and I was displeased.
It just takes me a while to get pretty, you guys. I did hair and makeup and all that jazz and then wrestled on the superbra and slip. My mom was working outside, and when she came inside, she found me pouting on my couch in my slip, shoes, and medieval torture corset playing Angry Birds on my phone. I just wasn't feeling well, and I didn't want to go have pictures taken, and I was not happy.
Mom and I got the dress on, added the sash and a necklace. That wasn't the hard part. The tricky part was getting me to fit in the front seat of her Ford Focus.
She laid a sheet on the seat so nothing would get on the dress. I sat awkwardly with a mountain of white in my lap. My mom had to drape the extra material of the dress across me so the car door would shut. Luckily, we didn't have far to go.
When we pulled into the church parking lot, I saw two of the other debutantes get out of a car.
They were wearing jeans and hoodies.
I was wearing a wedding gown.
Something wasn't right.
My mom started panicking and asked me if I was sure we were supposed to wear our dresses. I was fairly confident we were. There was nothing we could do about it, so I got out of the car and teetered to the door in my dress and heels.
We walked down a long hallway and found no sign of the other debs. So we turned right and continued to the end of that hallway and still encountered no one.
"Well. This is awkward," I said.
One of the doors opened and one of the girls who had been in the parking lot a few minutes earlier walked out. She looked at me and then said, "they're in the bridal room," and showed us which one was the bridal room.
I walked, fully outfitted in a wedding gown, into a room of other debutantes in various stages of undress.
I just probably shouldn't be let out of my house. Ever.
My mom helped me tug on the white elbow-length gloves (shut up) and we sat down at a table. A few minutes later, the photographer asked me if I was ready for pictures.
Well, since I was the only one dressed...
She took a few individual shots behind one of those changing walls and a few next to a ficus. Then we took a few group shots after everyone was dressed. After that, she took a few individual shots of us in the mirror. After that, we were informed we could change and go home.
Since I had no clothes to change into, all I really had to do was go home. So instead of fighting traffic to go out the real door, my mom and I went out the sliding door in the back, through the garden, and into the parking lot. Yeah. We left a church by sneaking out the back. Unnoticed. We're so classy.
My mom tucked me and the dress back into the car. On the way home, we both determined we were starving.
...and that's how I ended up at a Wendy's drive-thru in a wedding gown. Sometimes I just don't know what my life is.
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